Complete Surrender

I would consider myself a fairly confident person. I usually approach new tasks with enthusiasm and boldness. But, I am starting to realize this type of thinking can often stand in the way from God’s real plan.

I went back to York College yesterday to do some work in their library and I admit that visiting the campus has been some thing I usually dread. I don’t like to be reminded of the person I was then and the decisions I made. Going back to campus has often brought back memories of a life I work hard to forget. But yesterday’s visit was finally different. I approached my time there through a new perspective. I used those memroies and many mistakes to reflect on how far I’ve come. I realized that the person who went to York College no longer lives in this body. I have finally taken enough baby steps of change to feel like I am a new person, living a life that centers around the life of Christ and doing my best to live and love the way he did. The visit back in time actually felt good!

But, of course the pride issue is always knocking at the door and I started to think, you know I can do this, I can walk this journey with boldness. I believe there’s a level of bolness and confidence that is good for the soul but often times I cross that line and become overly confident. Unfortuantely, this prevents God from really being able to use me for his purpose. I believe people can see this in me and probably wonder which Aimee is going to show up some days. I hate stuggling with pride and I’ve been told that will probably never go awy. I pray it does.

I want to work toward being humble instead of accomplished, toward serving instead of leading, toward loving instead of proving! I believe this is the only way to tryly lead people on the journey of faith, to live a life that reflects His image. It’s easy to stay humble when that’s your measuring stick because I definitely fail horribly every day. I pray that I can stay focused on this through out the next several years and especially once God calls me to serve at one of his churches. So this morning, I am once again completely surrendered, knowing that if anything good comes out of this day, this journey, this life, it is all because of Christ working through me.