This verse struck me this morning. Specifically, “be renewed as you learn to know your creator…” Getting to know our creator seems to be the most overlooked part of the Christian faith right now. How often are you challenged to just spend time in God’s word? The only way to truly know the God we claim to love, worship and serve is to spend time getting to know Him. Learning who He was, what He did, why He did it, and asking questions when things just don’t seem to make sense.

It’s almost like we’ve totally skipped this part and went straight to trying to live like Him, attempting to love and worship Him. I’m not sure about you but I have a very hard time trying to become like someone I don’t even know. There are so many scary assumptions made when we try to live like Christ and barely know Him.

So I would challenge you today, take this verse and follow its instructions. Be renewed as you get to know your creator and then allow Him to mold you into the person He longs for you to become. Trying to live any other way will always leave you feeling like, there’s something missing….

A good friend called me on it yesterday and I’ve really taken some time to reflect on this quality that is loved by many, including myself but can become a real problem. I realized that this sense of responsibility specifically in regard to ministry has been engrained into me since I was a child. I remember listening to my Dad talk about Trustee meetings, observing him serve as the church treasurer, going in to our church to paint and run wire during one of the major renovations. I remember cleaning a gorgeous sanctuary at my Grandmothers church with her whenever we were visiting. I guess that somehow it all rubbed off…. which gives me great hope that my children will someday understand what it means to serve and serve well. But….. as I am face with now; sometimes it’s simply not your responsibility.

I cannot solve every financial issue, leadership mistake, relationship gone bad, person who left, HVAC issue, and the list goes on. At some point I need to be willing to give back to God what was always his to begin with. You see, when it comes to long-term ministry the bad and good stuff will always happen. There will be a leader folks don’t like, there will be dips in the economy, differing thoughts on structure, campaigns you name it…. none of these “crisises” are new to the church, to God and after 8 years they should not be new to me either.

So I’m writing for accountability, mostly personal accountability for me. I admit that I 100% believe in the first words spoken by every person at an AA meeting, so in this case, “Hi my name is Aimee and I am addicted to feeling responsibility for things that only God can do.” This is the conclusion I’ve come to after almost 2 months of wrestling with God, He hopefully has won once and for all.

I merely exist to serve, in whatever the situation, whoever the leader, not to fix or change or assume responsibility for anything; but simply to walk with Christ through everything that comes our way and minister those He calls into the church. If I can achieve this everyday, I’ve accomplished far more for the Kingdom of God that getting wrapped up in whatever the next crisis may be.

God already knows it’s coming, He already has a plan for how it will unfold and He is already working to bring us out on the other side. He simply does not need my help, only my obedience.

Matthew 11:28 – 30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

But it wasn’t! There was a year of poor choices, stupid decisions, and until now, un-forgivable actions. I have allowed myself to be haunted long enough. I have sat on God’s check for 1 million dollars… no even more ….. one lifetime of forgiveness. It’s time to finally cash it once and for all!! I have spent almost 3 years coming back to Psalm 103: 8-12
The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever.
He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Do you see it… that last line? Verse 12… No matter what it is we’ve done, it is removed, forgiven! I was told that I would never fully be able to live into the calling I believe God has placed on my life until I am willing to accept His forgiveness AND the grace those in my life both then and now have shown. For the last year I feel I have struggled more with the grace part than God’s forgiveness. Every time I stood up I allow everything I had done wrong to come to mind. I stood and read, totally disconnecting from people, leaving Aimee out of it. Someone went so far this week as to ask if I had another personality. Of course that’s not true!

A part of the message this week deals with spending daily quiet time with God. In the moments of talking about this I read from Paul’s letter to the Galations… Chapter 2:19-20 “For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. 20 My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

How could I speak this in front of everyone when I have never been willing to fully accept that I am not the same person I was even 6 years ago. That I believe God’s word to be true and everyday become more grateful for the gracious people he placed in my life back then and now.

So… tomorrow starts a new day, a new beginning in a life of freedom, freedom to be me, to allow God to use me and realize that he still desires to use me. Tomorrow is a leap of faith, there’s a great outline, but no transcript, nothing to fall back on. There is only total trust and surrender to the One who has called me and will speak through me. I am nervous and more EXCITED than I’ve ever been. I cannot wait…. till SUNDAY!

The vision team and the cabinet of the Annual Conference had worked diligently on a proposal for rethinking our # of District Superintendents and also the way they are used. Their presentation started and it was the perfect blend of knowledge and vision for trying some thing new. After all the statistics they shared about our constant decline I would have been surprised if the proposal did not pass. It was in the moments after their written prayer of Confession that you heard evidence of the Spirit at work during our hours of Holy Conferencing. From that moment forward all of Conference just seemed different. There was a glimmer of hope again. But that wasn’t all that our Bishop and Cabinet had planned. Pastor Adam Hamilton from Church of the Resurrection would start speaking late Friday afternoon on Leadership followed by a presentation on Worship Friday evening. He was authentic, challenging and direct with us.

Driving home Friday night Jeff, Ginger and I had the most transparent conversation I have been part of in a while. Each of us stepping forward to own places we have failed in the areas Adam addressed. Committing to changing and holding each other accountable for at times burying the gifts God has given us to do ministry. For me the night was still fresh on Saturday morning. I remember looking up into the sky as I waited for our 7am trip up to Messiah and thinking – God I know you still want me to move forward but I am terrified. You see up until this week I had convinced myself that I was called to be a Pastor but Not in the United Methodist Church. I simply wanted no part of the obligations that held.

Saturday morning we arrived at Messiah and we were once again challenged by Adam this time his presentation focused on Mission and Evangelism. But for us it seem that this time it was not so much about the church, it was much more personal. He shared some of his story with us and how that story affected his ministry. He shared his views on marrying those who are not members of a church and his process for pre-martial counseling. All the while challenging our own marriages and relationships. Challenging our acceptance of ALL God’s children when they enter our doors on a Sunday morning. Adam closed with a prayer very familiar to Methodists – the Weslyan Covenant Prayer. But you see my breathe was taken away, the tears just rolled down my face. I knew that God was leading this Conference in His direction and He was still calling me to be a part of it.

We left Messiah today re-energized, more passionate and with a deeper willingness to do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission laid out before us. This year writing a report of the business updates of Conference may simply not be enough to share with our congregations what happened on these historic days for the Susquehanna Annual Conference – To God be the Glory!!

When someone cares for you it changes everything. It changes how you see them, it changes how you see others. It opens your eyes to see God at work. What if one of our most important missions in the church today was simply to care for each other? Seeking God first, then caring, praying and waiting on God. I have to wonder what change would be like if this was how we functioned. I am not saying that everyone would always agree or like every change. But I believe it would be different than the hurt, pain, anger, frustration, etc that we are living with today.

Instead, we only hope they will “see our side” and I am sure they hope “we will see theirs”. What about God’s side? Isn’t His vision for His church important? Does He not call us to Love one another and always be striving for Unity?

It’s nice to sit back and talk a good talk. But if I’m honest, I must admit I have spent 7 years failing at this. I have always thought that people who didn’t see things OUR way just didn’t like change. I have even thought they didn’t want to grow in their faith and at times have questioned church attendance versus their personal walk with Christ. How humbling it is to find out that maybe it is I who needs to grow. Maybe I need to consider changing. To love and care first, despite the cost and let God handle moving His church in His direction. Maybe the church can move forward and love and care for one another at the same time. After all that’s the plan Jesus gave us, is it not?

Maybe, just maybe a card, a sign of showing you care, can make a difference.

First and foremost, and somewhat unrelated to the title, I believe there is a HUGE difference in “loving God” and being “in love with God”. Do you know the depth of your love for Him? Just something to think about as you walk on your life journey.

Okay so now onto Catalyst speakers. We’ll I prayed for focus and out of 6 sessions today, there were only 2 speakers that really grabbed my heart.

This morning Andy Stanley spoke on the story of Jacob and Isau in Genesis 25:29-34 (the Message) “One day Jacob was cooking a stew. Esau came in from the field, starved. Esau said to Jacob, “Give me some of that red stew—I’m starved!” That’s how he came to be called Edom (Red). Jacob said, “Make me a trade: my stew for your rights as the firstborn.”
Esau said, “I’m starving! What good is a birthright if I’m dead?”
Jacob said, “First, swear to me.” And he did it. On oath Esau traded away his rights as the firstborn. Jacob gave him bread and the stew of lentils. He ate and drank, got up and left. That’s how Esau shrugged off his rights as the firstborn.”

Can you imagine, trading your birthright for a bowl of soup? Now if you aren’t familiar with the oldest sons birthright in that time here’s some background, being the first born son meant, you received 90% of your parents inheritance, you were the “family judge” for all disagreements and you received abundantly more of God’s blessings. Esau traded all of it a bowl of soup, really?

I know to us it sounds strange but unfortunately we are always tempted to make trades like this in life. I have made a lot of them. Throughout high school and college I constantly traded my need for acceptance through un-Godly relationships for God’s plan for my future. There have been times where I have traded honesty for the next rung on the ladder of success. My craving for whatever – acceptance, pride, self confidence, you name it has often cause me to trade God’s plans for my life for my own direction.

This is about as far as I can go on Andy’s message this morning as I am still processing it for my own life, but I really felt lead to share it because, maybe someone reading is at a crossroads, and maybe they will choose God’s amazing plan instead of their own bowl of soup.

Tonight ended with Francis Chan. Some of you may know that Francis planted a church 16 years ago which has experienced tremendous blessing and growth but 4 months ago Francis made the decision to step down as the senior Pastor and move his family to Asia. Several weeks ago his wife suggested selling their family home, which they have done and next Saturday they leave, they move to Asia totally surrendered to God, where ever He may lead them.

Tonight Francis spoke on truth. As in biblical truth, not the nice picking and choosing but the entire bible as a book of truth. What if the Bible really is true? What if all of it is really true? Maybe a better question is, if ALL of the bible is true, what does that mean for your life?

Below are some passages of scripture Francis read this evening,

1 John 3:16-18 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Matthew 25:44-46 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.‘ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Luke 12:33AB Sell your possessions, and give to the needy.

Ezekiel 16:49 Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. (What does this mean for those of us living in America, those of us who throw away leftovers? Who walk past the person on the street in need?

James 1;27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

In closing Francis gave us one last scripture to consider, it was 1 John 2:6, “whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” What would your life story look like in the book of Acts? Would you fit in as a disciple of Jesus Christ? What if ALL of the bible really is true? What if we are supposed to fall in love with Jesus and He is to be our role model? What would life look like?

I know mine needs some Significant changes, how about you?

I’m sorry if this offends any of you but it’s irritating at my core. For the past 7 years I have witnessed continued lowering of the bar of discipleship. Have we ever thought that those really watching people who claim the name of Christ may give a little more credit to the ones who are TOTALLY committed? Listen folks the luke warm people get spewed in the end. (Revelation 3:15) It would be better for you to believe nothing or to live totally sold out. But this middle crap is just that- vomit! It is not the church that “requires” commitment, it is life of Christ. It is Christ himself who has showed us how to live and asks us to walk in his footsteps. It is God who desires our life of worship. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit and our ABSOLUTE surrender that we can live the life that God desires.

So I come back to this same question, why is it that when the church finally grows some courage to ask for commitment and receives less than desirable feedback do we retreat in fear? Did you ever think that not everyone approved of Jesus’ messages? That people found His calling to a life of discipleship too difficult? It is not and never will be okay with God to live this life on a fence. Sunday mornings you may show up in “worship” and live the rest of the week however you want. I believe that if we as followers of Christ were a little more willing to take the plunge, get both feet out of the boat, and live a totally sold out life people might just be attracted to Jesus Christ, and they might just want to know what it is about you! But people who claim to follow one thing and live some thing totally different, well the world sees enough of that.

Now don’t get me wrong, we will all fail at times, I’m not challenging those who are sincerely trying to live as an authentic follower of Christ. We will never be perfect. BUT, there’s a huge difference between striving to follow Christ and claiming to believe one thing but living in the total opposite direction.

I guess I believe if you set a high bar, people will rise, and if you set a low one, they will just get by. I believe in the practice of spiritual disciplines in order to stay connected to Christ such as, prayer, reading scriptures, worship, acts of mercy, silence and solitude. How exactly do you live the “Christian life” without practicing at least some of these?

Maybe for me it’s both and – commitment and spiritual disciplines. You know I started this group spiritual direction process over the summer, it’s called Restoring Eve and I expect it to be a phenomenal journey. But in order to participate you MUST commit to be there EVERY week AND attend TWO retreats! I didn’t realize just how important these commitments were until I had a potential conflict with the first retreat, and I had to make a decision to solve my conflict or simply NOT participate in the process at all. So, I chose to solve the conflict because I believe in the ability for this time to be one of the most transformational experiences I have ever had.

What if people saw the church in that same way? An opportunity for real life transformation? Then would it really be too much to ask for a real commitment?

But, in short, the over arching theme of these workshops was, everything you do affects every aspect of the church.

Vision affects Finances which affects ministries which affects people which affects your ability to live out the command of the great commission to go into the world and make disciples for Jesus Christ. It didn’t seem to matter which workshop I attended this message was consistent. I am returning with 3 very important areas to focus on as I return to Asbury. These areas include helping to discern God’s vision for Asbury, diligently working to cultivate a culture of generosity, especially among our younger families and figuring out how to use tools in the world of Social Media to effectively communicate with our members.

On a more personal level, I had a good week. I can’t say it was a great week. Unfortunately the business of the church is often separated from the power, grace and love of God. I love the people I met this week but many of them might be focused in the wrong direction. I know that Senior Pastors and Ministry Directors can be crazy. They don’t always follow the rules, often speak without thinking, and some times I wonder, “what were they thinking?”! But, I have come to understand that God’s purposes are bigger than we can understand and He really does not owe us an explanation for why he called who he called. I have realized that life transformation is more important than any list of rules. We may have to tweak how things are done to comply with laws, etc. but the most important thing I can do every day is to show the people on the front lines that I support them and believe in what they are doing.

I love our staff. I don’t agree with everything they do but I still love them. I love them because loving people is the most important thing to GOD. That’s a topic you will hear more about on August 22nd at the 9 & 11 Contemporary services. They are gonna let me preach on Romans 12 and God has written most of the sermon this week. I can’t wait!

That’s all for tonight, I am counting the hours till I can get on a plane, I really miss Mike and the kids. It’s been a very hard week for Grace as I have never been away from her this long. She has beat up her friends at school every day and yesterday morning she got on the phone and said, Mommy are on the plane? I miss you. I had all I could do not to walk into the next session crying but we both survived. I am ready and anxious to be in York.

I have the opportunity to preach again in August on the 22nd and 29th. Of course I agreed to preach before finding out that I would speaking on Romans 12:9-21. I have read this passage daily for the last month and God has really been working on my heart through these words. I am still not exactly sure what God wants to say to his people about this passage but hopefully he will reveal that very soon. Next week I leave for Florida to close graduate as a Certified Church Business Administrator. In some ways I feel like next week will be the closing of a Chapter in life where “Business” reigned above God. I am extremely excited to be starting a year of spiritual direction this fall and next fall enrolling in Evangelical Seminary in Myerstown, PA to starts my Masters of Divinity. There are still MANY things that scare me about becoming a pastor but I can no longer deny that God has placed that calling on my life.

I am currently reading several books which include Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton, Seeking God Together by Alice Fryling and Radical by David Platt. The Radical book is pushing on my beliefs and relationship with God and really making me look at what we as Americans have turned God into. It is insanely convicting, I am still in Chapter 3 as I read, put it down and fall on my face before God. I admit that I have never been so challenged by a book before. When we really step back and look at God for who he is we can only stand in awe.

My “job” at the church is all that I ever dreamed it would be. It was what I thought ministry should be like before I ever started working in a church. It is days and nights of seeking God, meeting with Him, praying for his people, worshiping Him, loving Him and his people, seeing people how he sees them and best of all it is a once in a lifetime opportunity to partner with 7 other people who are doing the exact same thing. I feel like for the first time in my career we are living in the book of Acts. I cannot help but be excited for God’s church, God’s purpose and God’s plan.

There is a time for everything, and it is finally our time to see revival in our own lives and in the life of the body of Christ. As I sit here writing 70 youth are in the room next to me, breaking bread together and talking about seeing Jesus in their mission work today. We cannot deny that God is at WORK!