I have been challenged by this part of my personality that feels ultimate responsibility, specifically in my work and when your work is ministry this is a DANGEROUS place to be.
A good friend called me on it yesterday and I’ve really taken some time to reflect on this quality that is loved by many, including myself but can become a real problem. I realized that this sense of responsibility specifically in regard to ministry has been engrained into me since I was a child. I remember listening to my Dad talk about Trustee meetings, observing him serve as the church treasurer, going in to our church to paint and run wire during one of the major renovations. I remember cleaning a gorgeous sanctuary at my Grandmothers church with her whenever we were visiting. I guess that somehow it all rubbed off…. which gives me great hope that my children will someday understand what it means to serve and serve well. But….. as I am face with now; sometimes it’s simply not your responsibility.
I cannot solve every financial issue, leadership mistake, relationship gone bad, person who left, HVAC issue, and the list goes on. At some point I need to be willing to give back to God what was always his to begin with. You see, when it comes to long-term ministry the bad and good stuff will always happen. There will be a leader folks don’t like, there will be dips in the economy, differing thoughts on structure, campaigns you name it…. none of these “crisises” are new to the church, to God and after 8 years they should not be new to me either.
So I’m writing for accountability, mostly personal accountability for me. I admit that I 100% believe in the first words spoken by every person at an AA meeting, so in this case, “Hi my name is Aimee and I am addicted to feeling responsibility for things that only God can do.” This is the conclusion I’ve come to after almost 2 months of wrestling with God, He hopefully has won once and for all.
I merely exist to serve, in whatever the situation, whoever the leader, not to fix or change or assume responsibility for anything; but simply to walk with Christ through everything that comes our way and minister those He calls into the church. If I can achieve this everyday, I’ve accomplished far more for the Kingdom of God that getting wrapped up in whatever the next crisis may be.
God already knows it’s coming, He already has a plan for how it will unfold and He is already working to bring us out on the other side. He simply does not need my help, only my obedience.
Matthew 11:28 – 30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
