What does it mean to die daily? February 27, 2012

Our small group is doing the “not a fan” study by Kyle Idleman and tonight was the most pinching evening yet. The lesson was based on Luke 9:57-62.

As they were walking along, someone said to Jesus, “I will follow you wherever you go.”
But Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head.”
He said to another person, “Come, follow me.”
The man agreed, but he said, “Lord, first let me return home and bury my father.”
But Jesus told him, “Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead! Your duty is to go and preach about the Kingdom of God.”
Another said, “Yes, Lord, I will follow you, but first let me say good-bye to my family.”
But Jesus told him, “Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:57-62 NLT)

The cost is great, and Jesus is not about making discipleship look easy or convenient. He doesn’t allow us to say, can you just wait until I am done caring for my parents, or once my career slows down, or in retirement…, he’s not about allowing us to go party for several weeks while we say “good-bye” to our old life and then follow him. His message is for right now, this moment, TODAY. The bible does speak much into tomorrow, it’s about now.

And, the most challenging part about really following Christ is to die to ourselves, not once, not only on Sundays but everyday. In the video tonight Kyle said, “following Jesus isn’t about trying harder everyday, it’s about dying everyday.”

Dying to what? What does it mean to die to yourself everyday? When this question was asked tonight I could not even speak….. I tried to answer and simply cried. In the last 6 days dying to myself has meant,
Not buying that new shirt I found in Kohls in order to give that money to someone in need.
Giving up a place in the public opinion poll to stand up for what I believe in on Sunday.
Surrendering what has been a comfortable ride for the opportunity to break out of the box on Monday.
Being willing to face head on and deal with my own sin and prejudices before the throne on Friday evening through my amazing Walmart cashier!

You see, at one point or another everything listed above took a higher seat in my life than following Christ. I am sure I would not have admitted to such things but when push came to shove, it’s where I landed.

Being a fan is not for those who desire all the comforts, the easy road and fitting in. Yes, you can still believe in Jesus and observe as a fan. But God will search for and use followers to build the kingdom. Followers who are willing to die…. Each and everyday to follow the only one who can give meaning to life.

Today, I choose to follow Him.

Something’s missing November 23, 2011

Colossians 3:10 “Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.”

This verse struck me this morning. Specifically, “be renewed as you learn to know your creator…” Getting to know our creator seems to be the most overlooked part of the Christian faith right now. How often are you challenged to just spend time in God’s word? The only way to truly know the God we claim to love, worship and serve is to spend time getting to know Him. Learning who He was, what He did, why He did it, and asking questions when things just don’t seem to make sense.

It’s almost like we’ve totally skipped this part and went straight to trying to live like Him, attempting to love and worship Him. I’m not sure about you but I have a very hard time trying to become like someone I don’t even know. There are so many scary assumptions made when we try to live like Christ and barely know Him.

So I would challenge you today, take this verse and follow its instructions. Be renewed as you get to know your creator and then allow Him to mold you into the person He longs for you to become. Trying to live any other way will always leave you feeling like, there’s something missing….

Responsibility….. How far is too far? November 3, 2011

I have been challenged by this part of my personality that feels ultimate responsibility, specifically in my work and when your work is ministry this is a DANGEROUS place to be.

A good friend called me on it yesterday and I’ve really taken some time to reflect on this quality that is loved by many, including myself but can become a real problem. I realized that this sense of responsibility specifically in regard to ministry has been engrained into me since I was a child. I remember listening to my Dad talk about Trustee meetings, observing him serve as the church treasurer, going in to our church to paint and run wire during one of the major renovations. I remember cleaning a gorgeous sanctuary at my Grandmothers church with her whenever we were visiting. I guess that somehow it all rubbed off…. which gives me great hope that my children will someday understand what it means to serve and serve well. But….. as I am face with now; sometimes it’s simply not your responsibility.

I cannot solve every financial issue, leadership mistake, relationship gone bad, person who left, HVAC issue, and the list goes on. At some point I need to be willing to give back to God what was always his to begin with. You see, when it comes to long-term ministry the bad and good stuff will always happen. There will be a leader folks don’t like, there will be dips in the economy, differing thoughts on structure, campaigns you name it…. none of these “crisises” are new to the church, to God and after 8 years they should not be new to me either.

So I’m writing for accountability, mostly personal accountability for me. I admit that I 100% believe in the first words spoken by every person at an AA meeting, so in this case, “Hi my name is Aimee and I am addicted to feeling responsibility for things that only God can do.” This is the conclusion I’ve come to after almost 2 months of wrestling with God, He hopefully has won once and for all.

I merely exist to serve, in whatever the situation, whoever the leader, not to fix or change or assume responsibility for anything; but simply to walk with Christ through everything that comes our way and minister those He calls into the church. If I can achieve this everyday, I’ve accomplished far more for the Kingdom of God that getting wrapped up in whatever the next crisis may be.

God already knows it’s coming, He already has a plan for how it will unfold and He is already working to bring us out on the other side. He simply does not need my help, only my obedience.

Matthew 11:28 – 30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Pure Passion October 16, 2011

Today I watched someone with a personality very much like mine. It was thought provoking to watch her cry, laugh, love and be totally comfortable with who God created her to be in the purest sense. I spent some time processing why I have tended to shut down in the last few years, especially around family. What is it in me that does not allow this person to come out? In fact I become so guarded that I act in the total opposite manner. I am sure that I will not come to any life changing conclusions this evening but I have been left with an experience that challenges me to move beyond the past, get over all things from my youth and move on to be the person God originally knit together. Living out who He created in the purest form I am able. Quiet the challenge to take on at 31… I have had at least 20 years of practice living otherwise.

So what is it about speaking?……. August 21, 2011

Well I finally decided to come to grips with the answer this week. I decided to face my fear and be open and willing to allow others to speak into that moment. Little did I know what God had planned. All I wanted was some constructive pre-sermon feedback….. what I got was so much more. The challenge to look at what was under all those surface excuses and journey into a time I have allowed to haunt me for years. You see it was easier to accept all of those college mistakes and life decisions prior to returning home. But once I came back…. Then life SHOULD have been different, right?

But it wasn’t! There was a year of poor choices, stupid decisions, and until now, un-forgivable actions. I have allowed myself to be haunted long enough. I have sat on God’s check for 1 million dollars… no even more ….. one lifetime of forgiveness. It’s time to finally cash it once and for all!! I have spent almost 3 years coming back to Psalm 103: 8-12
The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever.
He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Do you see it… that last line? Verse 12… No matter what it is we’ve done, it is removed, forgiven! I was told that I would never fully be able to live into the calling I believe God has placed on my life until I am willing to accept His forgiveness AND the grace those in my life both then and now have shown. For the last year I feel I have struggled more with the grace part than God’s forgiveness. Every time I stood up I allow everything I had done wrong to come to mind. I stood and read, totally disconnecting from people, leaving Aimee out of it. Someone went so far this week as to ask if I had another personality. Of course that’s not true!

A part of the message this week deals with spending daily quiet time with God. In the moments of talking about this I read from Paul’s letter to the Galations… Chapter 2:19-20 “For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. 20 My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

How could I speak this in front of everyone when I have never been willing to fully accept that I am not the same person I was even 6 years ago. That I believe God’s word to be true and everyday become more grateful for the gracious people he placed in my life back then and now.

So… tomorrow starts a new day, a new beginning in a life of freedom, freedom to be me, to allow God to use me and realize that he still desires to use me. Tomorrow is a leap of faith, there’s a great outline, but no transcript, nothing to fall back on. There is only total trust and surrender to the One who has called me and will speak through me. I am nervous and more EXCITED than I’ve ever been. I cannot wait…. till SUNDAY!

From Obligation to Passion June 11, 2011

This past week was the 2nd Annual Conference of our new Susquehanna Conference of the United Methodist Church. I have to admit that I have not looked forward to this week. I am not one for nit-picking at documents Committees have spent hours praying over and working on. Nor do I care for the tension that surrounds resolutions, some of which I still have not read. I do look forward to meeting new Pastors and hearing about their churches, catching up with old friends – you will always see Ron Bowersox on day 1. But I go out of obligation. Obligation to my position at Asbury, and this year obligation as our Lay Member to Annual Conference. And as Conference started on Wednesday and Thursday it was playing out just as I expected. But then Friday came.

The vision team and the cabinet of the Annual Conference had worked diligently on a proposal for rethinking our # of District Superintendents and also the way they are used. Their presentation started and it was the perfect blend of knowledge and vision for trying some thing new. After all the statistics they shared about our constant decline I would have been surprised if the proposal did not pass. It was in the moments after their written prayer of Confession that you heard evidence of the Spirit at work during our hours of Holy Conferencing. From that moment forward all of Conference just seemed different. There was a glimmer of hope again. But that wasn’t all that our Bishop and Cabinet had planned. Pastor Adam Hamilton from Church of the Resurrection would start speaking late Friday afternoon on Leadership followed by a presentation on Worship Friday evening. He was authentic, challenging and direct with us.

Driving home Friday night Jeff, Ginger and I had the most transparent conversation I have been part of in a while. Each of us stepping forward to own places we have failed in the areas Adam addressed. Committing to changing and holding each other accountable for at times burying the gifts God has given us to do ministry. For me the night was still fresh on Saturday morning. I remember looking up into the sky as I waited for our 7am trip up to Messiah and thinking – God I know you still want me to move forward but I am terrified. You see up until this week I had convinced myself that I was called to be a Pastor but Not in the United Methodist Church. I simply wanted no part of the obligations that held.

Saturday morning we arrived at Messiah and we were once again challenged by Adam this time his presentation focused on Mission and Evangelism. But for us it seem that this time it was not so much about the church, it was much more personal. He shared some of his story with us and how that story affected his ministry. He shared his views on marrying those who are not members of a church and his process for pre-martial counseling. All the while challenging our own marriages and relationships. Challenging our acceptance of ALL God’s children when they enter our doors on a Sunday morning. Adam closed with a prayer very familiar to Methodists – the Weslyan Covenant Prayer. But you see my breathe was taken away, the tears just rolled down my face. I knew that God was leading this Conference in His direction and He was still calling me to be a part of it.

We left Messiah today re-energized, more passionate and with a deeper willingness to do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission laid out before us. This year writing a report of the business updates of Conference may simply not be enough to share with our congregations what happened on these historic days for the Susquehanna Annual Conference – To God be the Glory!!

A Card May 6, 2011

I received a card today from someone very unexpected. I was taken by surprise and after reading it felt it was important enough to hang in my office for a while. A lot has happened during the day but in reflecting on it all, I came back to the card.

When someone cares for you it changes everything. It changes how you see them, it changes how you see others. It opens your eyes to see God at work. What if one of our most important missions in the church today was simply to care for each other? Seeking God first, then caring, praying and waiting on God. I have to wonder what change would be like if this was how we functioned. I am not saying that everyone would always agree or like every change. But I believe it would be different than the hurt, pain, anger, frustration, etc that we are living with today.

Instead, we only hope they will “see our side” and I am sure they hope “we will see theirs”. What about God’s side? Isn’t His vision for His church important? Does He not call us to Love one another and always be striving for Unity?

It’s nice to sit back and talk a good talk. But if I’m honest, I must admit I have spent 7 years failing at this. I have always thought that people who didn’t see things OUR way just didn’t like change. I have even thought they didn’t want to grow in their faith and at times have questioned church attendance versus their personal walk with Christ. How humbling it is to find out that maybe it is I who needs to grow. Maybe I need to consider changing. To love and care first, despite the cost and let God handle moving His church in His direction. Maybe the church can move forward and love and care for one another at the same time. After all that’s the plan Jesus gave us, is it not?

Maybe, just maybe a card, a sign of showing you care, can make a difference.

A Bowl of Soup and the real Bible October 8, 2010

Lately I feel like events should come with disclaimers. Such as WARNING – You are about to spend 72 hours looking in the mirror and reflecting on yucky parts of your life, or WARNING – Speakers will speak truth and it will hurt your pride and change your life. These are just my perceptions of my last two trips away from home – Asbury’s Women’s Retreat and Catalyst.

First and foremost, and somewhat unrelated to the title, I believe there is a HUGE difference in “loving God” and being “in love with God”. Do you know the depth of your love for Him? Just something to think about as you walk on your life journey.

Okay so now onto Catalyst speakers. We’ll I prayed for focus and out of 6 sessions today, there were only 2 speakers that really grabbed my heart.

This morning Andy Stanley spoke on the story of Jacob and Isau in Genesis 25:29-34 (the Message) “One day Jacob was cooking a stew. Esau came in from the field, starved. Esau said to Jacob, “Give me some of that red stew—I’m starved!” That’s how he came to be called Edom (Red). Jacob said, “Make me a trade: my stew for your rights as the firstborn.”
Esau said, “I’m starving! What good is a birthright if I’m dead?”
Jacob said, “First, swear to me.” And he did it. On oath Esau traded away his rights as the firstborn. Jacob gave him bread and the stew of lentils. He ate and drank, got up and left. That’s how Esau shrugged off his rights as the firstborn.”

Can you imagine, trading your birthright for a bowl of soup? Now if you aren’t familiar with the oldest sons birthright in that time here’s some background, being the first born son meant, you received 90% of your parents inheritance, you were the “family judge” for all disagreements and you received abundantly more of God’s blessings. Esau traded all of it a bowl of soup, really?

I know to us it sounds strange but unfortunately we are always tempted to make trades like this in life. I have made a lot of them. Throughout high school and college I constantly traded my need for acceptance through un-Godly relationships for God’s plan for my future. There have been times where I have traded honesty for the next rung on the ladder of success. My craving for whatever – acceptance, pride, self confidence, you name it has often cause me to trade God’s plans for my life for my own direction.

This is about as far as I can go on Andy’s message this morning as I am still processing it for my own life, but I really felt lead to share it because, maybe someone reading is at a crossroads, and maybe they will choose God’s amazing plan instead of their own bowl of soup.

Tonight ended with Francis Chan. Some of you may know that Francis planted a church 16 years ago which has experienced tremendous blessing and growth but 4 months ago Francis made the decision to step down as the senior Pastor and move his family to Asia. Several weeks ago his wife suggested selling their family home, which they have done and next Saturday they leave, they move to Asia totally surrendered to God, where ever He may lead them.

Tonight Francis spoke on truth. As in biblical truth, not the nice picking and choosing but the entire bible as a book of truth. What if the Bible really is true? What if all of it is really true? Maybe a better question is, if ALL of the bible is true, what does that mean for your life?

Below are some passages of scripture Francis read this evening,

1 John 3:16-18 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Matthew 25:44-46 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.‘ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Luke 12:33AB Sell your possessions, and give to the needy.

Ezekiel 16:49 Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. (What does this mean for those of us living in America, those of us who throw away leftovers? Who walk past the person on the street in need?

James 1;27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

In closing Francis gave us one last scripture to consider, it was 1 John 2:6, “whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” What would your life story look like in the book of Acts? Would you fit in as a disciple of Jesus Christ? What if ALL of the bible really is true? What if we are supposed to fall in love with Jesus and He is to be our role model? What would life look like?

I know mine needs some Significant changes, how about you?

Why is commitment to Christ any different? September 21, 2010

I am feeling very challenged today by the low bar of discipleship set by many churches in America. I have had to work through some anger in this area but as I come out on the other side I must admit that I simply don’t get it. Everything in our lives requires commitment. Getting married should be a life time commitment, having children the same – life time, buying a house is on average 30 years of a commitment, heck even a car is on average 5 years. But we claim to believe in this God who sends his only Son to model the Christian life for us and end that perfect life with the ultimate sacrifice of death on a cross and commitment is just too much to ask!?? What?!

I’m sorry if this offends any of you but it’s irritating at my core. For the past 7 years I have witnessed continued lowering of the bar of discipleship. Have we ever thought that those really watching people who claim the name of Christ may give a little more credit to the ones who are TOTALLY committed? Listen folks the luke warm people get spewed in the end. (Revelation 3:15) It would be better for you to believe nothing or to live totally sold out. But this middle crap is just that- vomit! It is not the church that “requires” commitment, it is life of Christ. It is Christ himself who has showed us how to live and asks us to walk in his footsteps. It is God who desires our life of worship. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit and our ABSOLUTE surrender that we can live the life that God desires.

So I come back to this same question, why is it that when the church finally grows some courage to ask for commitment and receives less than desirable feedback do we retreat in fear? Did you ever think that not everyone approved of Jesus’ messages? That people found His calling to a life of discipleship too difficult? It is not and never will be okay with God to live this life on a fence. Sunday mornings you may show up in “worship” and live the rest of the week however you want. I believe that if we as followers of Christ were a little more willing to take the plunge, get both feet out of the boat, and live a totally sold out life people might just be attracted to Jesus Christ, and they might just want to know what it is about you! But people who claim to follow one thing and live some thing totally different, well the world sees enough of that.

Now don’t get me wrong, we will all fail at times, I’m not challenging those who are sincerely trying to live as an authentic follower of Christ. We will never be perfect. BUT, there’s a huge difference between striving to follow Christ and claiming to believe one thing but living in the total opposite direction.

I guess I believe if you set a high bar, people will rise, and if you set a low one, they will just get by. I believe in the practice of spiritual disciplines in order to stay connected to Christ such as, prayer, reading scriptures, worship, acts of mercy, silence and solitude. How exactly do you live the “Christian life” without practicing at least some of these?

Maybe for me it’s both and – commitment and spiritual disciplines. You know I started this group spiritual direction process over the summer, it’s called Restoring Eve and I expect it to be a phenomenal journey. But in order to participate you MUST commit to be there EVERY week AND attend TWO retreats! I didn’t realize just how important these commitments were until I had a potential conflict with the first retreat, and I had to make a decision to solve my conflict or simply NOT participate in the process at all. So, I chose to solve the conflict because I believe in the ability for this time to be one of the most transformational experiences I have ever had.

What if people saw the church in that same way? An opportunity for real life transformation? Then would it really be too much to ask for a real commitment?

Learnings from the week July 24, 2010

My workshops during my time at NACBA included, Creating an Open-Handed Community, 3 Simple Rules for Creating Successful Experiences, Changing the Scorecard for the Church, Connect your Congregation via Web 3.0, Revitalizing Giving in Difficult Times, Shepherding a Congregation through Major Change, Social Media and the Church, Discovering Your Kingdom Concept, and The Six Elements of Vision. Right now I feel like my head is one big whirlwind of information.

But, in short, the over arching theme of these workshops was, everything you do affects every aspect of the church.

Vision affects Finances which affects ministries which affects people which affects your ability to live out the command of the great commission to go into the world and make disciples for Jesus Christ. It didn’t seem to matter which workshop I attended this message was consistent. I am returning with 3 very important areas to focus on as I return to Asbury. These areas include helping to discern God’s vision for Asbury, diligently working to cultivate a culture of generosity, especially among our younger families and figuring out how to use tools in the world of Social Media to effectively communicate with our members.

On a more personal level, I had a good week. I can’t say it was a great week. Unfortunately the business of the church is often separated from the power, grace and love of God. I love the people I met this week but many of them might be focused in the wrong direction. I know that Senior Pastors and Ministry Directors can be crazy. They don’t always follow the rules, often speak without thinking, and some times I wonder, “what were they thinking?”! But, I have come to understand that God’s purposes are bigger than we can understand and He really does not owe us an explanation for why he called who he called. I have realized that life transformation is more important than any list of rules. We may have to tweak how things are done to comply with laws, etc. but the most important thing I can do every day is to show the people on the front lines that I support them and believe in what they are doing.

I love our staff. I don’t agree with everything they do but I still love them. I love them because loving people is the most important thing to GOD. That’s a topic you will hear more about on August 22nd at the 9 & 11 Contemporary services. They are gonna let me preach on Romans 12 and God has written most of the sermon this week. I can’t wait!

That’s all for tonight, I am counting the hours till I can get on a plane, I really miss Mike and the kids. It’s been a very hard week for Grace as I have never been away from her this long. She has beat up her friends at school every day and yesterday morning she got on the phone and said, Mommy are on the plane? I miss you. I had all I could do not to walk into the next session crying but we both survived. I am ready and anxious to be in York.